- Of Dogs and Cats
- Lilly and Mascha
- Our First Month Together
- Forming a Solid Bond is a Continuous Process
- What Is Next?
- Three Pieces of Advice
- Resources and Other Readings
Of Dogs and Cats
I have always considered myself a dog person. My family adopted Cookie, the first, and only, family dog, in December 2005. Her adoption was completely circumstantial. A friend of a friend of a friend’s son tragically passed away, leaving a young cocker spaniel without a home.
All three of her temporary guardians told us she was too difficult to deal with. That she had behavioral issues. That those problems cannot be fixed. Cookie’s first six months with us were difficult. She was very fearful, and she kept having accidents indoors. But with time, a lot of patience and love, she gained our trust and her behavioral issues slowly faded away.
Cookie passed away in 2018. It took a full year to accept that she was gone and to think about her fondly, without instantly becoming a crying mess. Her passing was my first experience with death. In the first two years after her passing, every dog, every dog picture, and every mention of a dog reminded me of Cookie. It was uncharted territory. Thankfully, with time, the grief lessened and was more manageable.
Pets bring a lot of happiness and laughter, and providing them with a safe, forever home is the absolute minimum I can do for them. In 2020, I felt ready to adopt again, despite the inevitable pain that comes from being responsible for another being. Even though I knew I wanted to adopt a pet, I wasn’t sure about which. A rabbit? Pet mice? Guinea pigs? A cat?
Cats? Me?!
I never liked cats.
Let me rephrase that: prior to 2018, I had never had interactions with cats that led me to believe that cats and I would get along. I thought that cats, unlike dogs, were detached creatures. Cats were unpredictable. Cats were too independent. Cats weren’t playful. Cats this. Cats that.
Over the next few years, I got more and more familiar with cats. From Twitter, which has an extremely friendly and active cat community focusing on cat welfare and cat enrichment. From Reddit, especially the cat-oriented advice subreddits. From unowned cats, including one friendly orange cat in Beirut, who decided I made the perfect bed. From friends with cats, who were sharing their cats’ antics and adorable photos.
Cats seem friendly, inquisitive, affectionate. They thrive on routine and could even be trained (to get into their carriers, for examples). I started questioning what I thought I knew: was it all a misconception?
What if cats scratch because they’re scared, and not because they’re “moody”? What if cats are friendly, provided they feel secure, and their boundaries respected? What if cats have very particular ways of signaling they’re up for a play or petting session? What if treating cats as cats, and not as dogs, was key to successfully bonding with humans, other cats and even dogs?
Everything I knew about cats was wrong. And I am so glad I realized it as it allowed me to adopt the best cats one could ever ask for (but I am biased): Lilly and Mascha.
Lilly and Mascha
A friend of my mother-in-law shared an adoption advert about two cats, Lilly the tabby, and Mascha the calico. They had recently lost their guardian and were looking for their forever home. Their personalities were described as starkly different: Lilly was the curious and active one, while Mascha was rather shy and needed time to trust people.
Lilly and Mascha were extremely shy when we visited them at their foster home. I remember a vague cat-shaped blob behind a cupboard, which turned out to be Lilly. Mascha was nowhere to be found. However, their foster told us that she noticed a lot of improvements (!) between the first day of fostering and the day we visited. This made me realize that with time, patience, kindness and respect, there was hope to bring the cats out of their shell.
We decided to go for adopting them to see if it’s a right fit. This was particularly important to me as I didn’t have any close contact with cats before, much less lived with them!
To prepare for their adoption, I binge-read Zazie Todd’s brilliant, informative and fun book Purr: The Science of Making Your Cat Happy in one sitting! That book, together with Lili Chin’s Cats Need…, were crucial in getting us and the house cat-ready.
Our First Month Together
I got very little to no sleep the first two weeks of the cats being home. The mix of unfamiliarity, misconceptions about cats and, let’s face it, me being me meant that I would not be able to relax until I knew things were okay.
Being so unfamiliar with cats, I kept asking myself (and others!) questions that right now seem absurd.
- Can the cat open the windows? (No!)
- Will they bite my feet when I sleep? (No!)
- Will they drop dead in a second?! (Usually not…)
- Why is Mascha breathing weirdly? (That’s just purring)
- Why did the cats eat 10 grams less than the other day? (Since this is a negligible change, it is not a cause for worry)
And so many more questions. I called the veterinary many times, including a few calls to the emergency veterinarian clinic. Both clinics eased my worries and reassured me that it’s always better to call than not.
During the first month, the cats spent a lot of times hiding. Behind dressers. On dressers. Under the bed. Behind the couch. As expected, Lilly was the curious one and Mascha the shyer one. The photo on the left is the first I took of them, a few minutes after adoption.
We were not seeing much of the cats during the day but they were extremely active during the night (which was not a surprise as cats are nocturnal animals!). Lilly and Mascha were exploring their new home, eating, and playing together (mostly chasing after one another).
We had a lot of breakthroughs with the cats over the past year. One event particularly stands out: five days after their adoption, both Mascha and Lilly played with their catnip banana toys in the open, with both of us in the room! Even though I knew that with time, the cats will feel more comfortable with us, it was very lovely to see—and so soon after adoption. You can find the video of them playing with the banana toys on the left.
Forming a Solid Bond is a Continuous Process
With time, Lilly and Mascha got more confident, and so did I around them. With confidence came trust, and with trust, a bond developed. The bond was strengthened by routine. Cats became a part of the family—as opposed to strangers living with us.
The more I read about the cat behavior and enrichment, the more aware I was about Lilly and Mascha’s cues. Recognizing and acting on cues is crucial for understanding how cats communicate with humans and with one another. For example, learning when to stop a play or petting session (well before over-stimulation) was key to me never getting scratched.
Forming a solid bond between two living beings is a continuous, long-term process.
Getting familiar with their needs, their personalities, their likes and dislikes, meant being able to make constant improvements. For example, upgrading the litter boxes to the maximal size we could find stopped Lilly’s outside-the-box accidents. Using pheromone diffusers drastically improved Lilly and Mascha’s relationship with one another.
What Is Next?
The first year was mostly about the cats settling in and them learning about us and vice-versa. As we enter the second year, the plan is to:
- learn how to cut the cats’ nails at home.
- incorporate food puzzles in daily feedings.
- get them more accustomed to casual handling.
Three Pieces of Advice
- It takes time, patience, and kindness to form a solid bond with cats (and any other pet, really). If you have newly adopted pets, please give them time to get settled in their new environment. Some pets, like Mascha and Lilly, can take much longer than others. In my opinion, the more important predictor of success is steady, small improvements. Any sign of regressive behavior must be addressed immediately.
- If you are looking to adopt or foster cats, the best thing you can do for them is realize that the biggest lie is that “cats need minimal care, they’re not like dogs!” NO. Stop right there. You are wrong. Don’t listen to this extremely misinformed advice as it is asking for behavioral problems. Realize that cats are their own entities, separate from dogs, and that they have very particular and individual needs.
- The second-best thing you can do is to get informed. There is a LOT of information out there. Knowing where to look, and how to spot misinformation, is key. From experience, most of the misinformation about cats is related to their enrichment needs, their dietary requirements and to their health. Attributing cats’ problems to them being “just assholes” undermines them and their needs, and is very harmful and stressful (for both cats and humans!).
Resources and Other Readings
Sharing essential resources and readings that were key to preparing me for the adoption of Lilly and Mascha and, subsequently, to creating and strengthening our bond and their enrichment, and maintaining a happy cat-home.
- Zazie Todd, PhD: I found the blog section All About Cats and book Purr: The Science of Making Your Cat Happy extremely helpful. More links: Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
- Lili Chin: Lili Chin’s poster Cats need… still proudly hangs on the fridge. The author’s upcoming book Kitty Language: An Illustrated Guide To Understanding Your Cat will be available on June 13 and I am looking forward to reading it. More links: Doggie Drawings, Twitter and Instagram.
- Mikel Delgado, PhD: I cannot recommend the blog enough What Your Cat Wants. I also take this opportunity to share the very important Should I “Like” This Viral Cat Video? post on Instagram about sharing/liking “cute” cat videos. More links: Twitter, Instagram and Food Puzzles for Cats.
- Ingrid Johnson, CCBC: Feline Fundamentals at Fundamentally Feline has crucial information about proper cat enrichment and advice you may not know. More links: Instagram, Twitter, and Food Puzzles for Cats.
- International Cat Care for various cat resources about cat health, behavior and more. They are also on Twitter and Instagram.
Thank you for reading! And thanks, AS, for reading the draft.
Feel free to connect with me or contact me.
NC Dia-Schneebeli 
